kupal's este couple's greetings

alam kong pasko, dapat masaya, but no. naiimbyerna ako sa mga pa-epek ng mga bumati sa akin sa text. uso na ata talaga ang ganitong template ng xmas sms greetings:

[insert greeting here]
from [insert name of girlfriend here] and [insert name of boyfriend here]


E ANO NAMAN KC ANG CARE KO SA MGA PAKNERS NYO? Ipinamumuka nyo ba sa harap ng fez ko na malamig ang pasko ko at kayo hindeh???!!! ganon ba aketch ka luz valdez?! ano ha?! o baka naman nagtitipid lng kayo sa text at nagsisimula na kayong mag-ipon pangkasal?! lech! piso nlng nga, paghahatian nyo pa?!

ayan ok na ko. chorva.

fafa dont preach

ayyyyyyyyyy! sisters akoy naloloka. can somebody give me her expert opinion? bawal ang boys, i dont trust them. they thrust me. shing!

lam nyo kc ba nmn, ako'y isang dalagang pilipinang makatao, makabayan, matatakutin sa diyos. eclavu lang yun first 2, akshuli makalalakeng magpapabayad ang hanap ko. pero trulalu ang aking fear of papa Jesus. so pala-church going ako every Sunday (the rest are sindays hihihihi)

anychoo, para magkaron ng flavah, i even started to go to different churches. para bang personal panata na sa sarili ko (personal nga e boba!). pansin ko lng ha, as in pansin na pansin, iba iba ang version ng "Ama Namin"! May tonong parang panghelehele sa anakis, may tonong parang gregorian chant, may tonong pangmetropop, may tonong pang pabasa.


maygosh abelgosh! baka dumating ang time na ang mga kapamilya pop stars na walang magawang matinong kanta e simulan na rin patulan ito't gawan ng sariling "remake". noooooo way puhleeaassseee. hayaan na natin si jaime rivera nlng noh.

sabi dati ng religion teacher ko (na im sure virgin pa rin hanggang ngayon hahaha loser!), catholic means universal. e hello, explain nyo nga sa akin ang pangyayaring itech? sagot, dali!

chorva.

They are everywhere!

Hay naku mga sisters, I had an almost-wonderful evening kagabi kaso imbyerna ang beauty ko. Anyway, can I make kwento what happened last night? As if may choice ka, LOL.

So last night I went to that sosyal na mall with a very gwapo friend na crush ko talaga. Pero di nya alam ha? I swear! We were with another friend, so we make ikot and look at the store displays. Chaka yung iba, kasi sumabay sila sa fugly Christmas theme ng mall. Hello, under-the-sea Christmas? So chaka.

We passed by this sosi restaurant kaso wala silang sariling place, kasi nakapwesto lang sila sa corridor. Ok lang, masarap naman daw ang food. Saka masarap din yung isang waiter ha ha ha!

Grabe sisters, may-I-drop ang panty ko dun sa cute na waiter (pero mas gwapo pa rin yung kasama ko no). As in chinito, may dimples, like nya magsmile, saka ewan ko, as if his eyelids have lives of their own.

We continued walking until such time na dinner na. So without second thoughts, inaya ko sila dun sa sosi resto. Aba, love ako ng Heaven, kasi yung cute na waiter ang lumapit sa amin! Ang lekat, nag beautiful eyes! Ay, grabe sisters, muntik ko na masabing "Can I take you home?" Buti na lang my proper decorum kicked in. Naupo na kami then he came back with menus and waited for our orders. While my friends were looking at the menu, I was looking surreptiously at the cute waiter ha ha. And in fairness, nakatingin sya sa akin ah. Oh, di ba, winner ang beauty ng sister nyo.

He took our orders, and he made sure na sya rin ang nagserve sa amin ng food. Pero nawindang ang beauty ko ha. Akalain mo ba naman na unahing iserve yung order ng crush ko. At ang tingin at ngiti nya, OMG! Hindi sya sa akin nakatingin, kung di dun sa crush ko. Pero syempre, I was so rational, sabi ng brain ko, "Loka, natural lang, kasi food nya yun so natural sa kanya nakatingin si waiter." Oo nga naman.

Pero, mga sisters, some part of me was bothered, parang spider sense ni Peter Parker. What I did was that I observed him carefully. After serving our food, he went on to other customers, but he kept on glancing at our table. When I saw him do that, he smiled. Ay, kakakilig sisters.

When my crush went to the toilet, my world crashed. Aba, ang cute waiter, sinundan ng tingin ang crush ko! Bakla ang cute waiter!

Chorva na ito!

kadiring toilet tale

Dear readers, if you are eating, or about to eat, please stop reading. This post is probably the grossiest ever by the ever beautiful and fabulous Beach Blondes. You have been warned.

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Hay naku mga sisters, we all know na the toilets are the most kadiri place anywhere. So kadiri, in fact, that we have invented an euphemism for toilet. I still wonder if we can really find comfort in the comfort room, no? Ako I cannot, specially pag kadiri gumamit ng toilet ang mga people.

I remember a former officemate making reklamo about supposed-to-be-professionals' yucky toilet habits. Ako naman, being a Beach Blonde, di ako naniwala, coz from where I came from, we know the proper toilet habits, ah. Saka we are in the 21st century na, so dapat marunong na tayo. Di ba?

Ay naku sister, imbyerna ako kanina. So I just got in, I went immediately to the toilet when I was blasted by a smell. Grabe, ang stinky, kadiri! As in I cannot describe the smell, sister, kasi kanina ko lang naamoy yung ganung klase. I almost puked! I was shocked, girl's toilet tapos ganun ang smell! My gahd, balahurang girlies! Understandable kung men's toilet yun eh, karamihan naman sa mga boys eh with poor toilet habits, given na yun. Pero, haller! Girls, prim and proper, pero ang yucky nyo ha!

May-I-complain ang lola nyo sa ibang girls, at it's just the tip of the iceberg daw. Kasi there is this jologs na girl who doesn't know how to use the flush. As in gumamit pa sila ng powers of deduction and they used the process of elimination para lang madetermine kung sinong balahura itech. Aside from not flushing, di raw nila magets kung paano magweewee ang balahura girlalu, kasi every time daw gumamit ng toilet ang girlalu, basa ang toilet seat! Yuck! Saka nagkalat raw ang used tissue paper anywhere. Hay, sa kwento pa lang, I wanna puke. May worst pa dyan, kaso over na kung i-share ko pa. Basta yun, yung may yellow submarine pa sa toilet bowl, yuck, kadiri talaga!

No wonder. Galing daw sa school that likes the color blue ang hitad.

So I told the story to a male officemate, and may-I-share ang lolo about men's toilet. Ganun din daw sa toilet nila, he used a term nga na I'm not so familiar with eh. Mapanghi ang ginamit nyang term, I'm not sure what it means pero the way it sounds eh yucky na sya. May sinabi pa sya, para raw naipon na urine sa isang arinola, which I think is the local term for a piss bowl. Yeeww. How quaint.

Hay naku, let's end it here mga sisters, baka di na ko makakain ng dinner. Chorva na pag ganun.

halloween is for pangits

Ay, it's that time of the year again, mga sisters. You know, megatraffic near bus terminals and South Luzon Expressway; candles, flowers, incense sticks, kims all around; and the word DEATH hovers on our clouded thoughts.

At dahil morbid naman kung we think about death, di ba, kaya we do something else before we troop to dead cities. We celebrate Halloween!

Ha? Di mo alam kung ano yun? Ano ka ba, sister, san ka ba galing? Are you from Venus? Or Mars? Gay ka ba? Hello! Anyway, eto, courtesy of plagiarist's favorite site on earth, Wikipedia:

Halloween, or Hallowe'en, is a holiday celebrated on the night of October 31. Traditional activities include trick-or-treating, Halloween festivals, bonfires, costume parties, visiting "haunted houses" and viewing horror films. Halloween originated from the Pagan festival Samhain, celebrated among the Celts of Ireland and Great Britain. Irish and Scottish immigrants carried versions of the tradition to North America in the nineteenth century. Other western countries embraced the holiday in the late twentieth century. Halloween is now celebrated in several parts of the western world, most commonly in Ireland, the United States, Canada, Puerto Rico, and the United Kingdom.

Anywhere you go, Halloween is there. Goodness, even the corporate world is not spared ha. For employee enjoyment daw, so may mga Halloween parties where you can dress up as hags and vampires. Sa totoo lang, Halloween is just a reason for ugly people to emphasize their ugliness. Kaya we beach blondes, we don't celebrate Halloween. We spend this day making okray the people in costume. Ok lang, let's give them one day for themselves. The rest of the year, we beach blondes rule! Corrected by, sisters!

Pero sana naman, they just admit that they are pangit. Why deny the fact and then admit it once a year? Chorva.

i can feel it!

Blonde watchers!

Nagsiboto na ba kayo ng favorite barangay papa nyo? Ay ako oo! Nakakalowka ha. Puro businessman at businesswoman ang mga occupation ng mga kandidato. Puro nlng business, nakakasawa noh. So ang ginawa ketch para maibetch, pinagbobotetch ko ang mga chuvang walang trabaho. Whyness you askness? Abay simple lang, at least mataas chance na tambay ang mga kagawad na yan, slash tanod sa baranggay.

Ay alam nyo ba, sumama ako sa lukrita kong frend maki uzi sa bilangan. E di upo kami sa classroom habang ang mga oldies but truly ever dedicated teachers e nagsisi-verify ng documents before mag si “1-2-3-4-kahon!” sila. Abay meron ba naman umupo sa harap naming na kala nya kagandahan sya. Panay sway sway ng hair, halata naman binabatak lang at di natural anoh.

Nakaka-irita talaga ang forever nyang pag-aayos ng hair - left-right-left-right inilalagay nya sa shoulders nya. Lam nyo, mas maganda pa nga yun mga walis gawa sa Baguio e, promizz. Sana lang may juicy pururuti gum ako nung mga panahon na iyon. At ito pa mga sisters, retokada ang ilong ng matanda. Kaya pla tinawag na rhinoplasty yun, ginagawang mga rhino ang fez ng mga plastic na kagaya nya hihihihi….

Chorva.

time space warp, lumadlad!

mga sisters! magshe-share lng ako ng pangyayari sa aking local vicinity ha. kaka-irita lng kasi e noh, im sooo affected. in actuality of the situation, mas safe na magblog aketch ditetch para slightly nevah nya ma-ocular inspection!

ayon sa aking bubwit, may isang lalakeng kilala ang your's truly na mahilig mag-projection na isa syang straight 100% full embodiment of an alpha male. pero wag ka, may pagka istariray complex rin pala.

happy birthday muna sa cute na bellboy ng sogo laguna branch, na nagbigay sa akin ng VIP card. tangina mo ha. bosero ka. isa pa naman akong dalagang pilipit na.

anyway, balik tayo. ayun nga, e di ang press release ni guy e wala shang bahid. pero nakakaiwan sha ng mga ebidensyang magpapabuking sa kanyang kachingan! you know like, the websites, the music, the movies, basta, he consumes pink media. just like me hihihi. kumerengkeng ka na kasi sa harap namin oketch lng noh. kesa yun nagpepretendacious malinisious ka pa. so oracanacious ha. magsama kayo ni gloria hihihi...

chorva.

I have social conscience noh!

Mga sisters, medyo serious muna tayo ha, kasi some people are accusing me of not having a social conscience. Hello naman! Me, the Local Beach Blonde, no social conscience? Is it not enough that I bring about beauty everywhere? Charot!

I am saddened by what happened at mah fahvorite place ha. Nung Sabado, may-I-explode ang Glorietta, and now 11 are dead, hundreds injured. Hay, let us pause for a moment of silence.



Anyway, may I just make palo the authorities for a minute, okay? Kasi naman eh, can't they do their jobs efficiently? For those who wrongly accuses me of lacking social conscience, for your informayshun, may-I-monitor ako sa TV for the news ha, skipping Sex in the City marathons. Ang gulo nyo ha, sabi LPG explosion raw, tapos bomba, then the next day gas explosion raw. Ano ba mga tita? You're making things messier than they should be na.

Tapos there are these armchair analysts ha, akala mo kung sinong genius, may-I-comment ang mga lolo everywhere, as if their baseless comments matter. Imbyerna ang lola nyo, imagine me sitting in the La-Z Boy chair, enduring the kakairita analysis chever chenes eklavu ng Heaven-knows-who. As what my professor used to say, they are not adding to the sum total of human knowledge.

And it doesn't end there. Lumabas sa TV si Mr. Banana, aba, fear factor ang epek nya ha. Beware, destabilizers, sabi nya. Hello! Do they have to destabilize something that is not stable anyway? I can almost hear my old professor laugh in derision and contempt. Naku, sarap sabunutan ng banana man na yan ha, kakairita sya. Galing ba syang Ateneo? My gahd, wag naman sana.

Hay, I pity the dead, gala effect lang naman sila ah. Sisters, let's ask for justice. Let's ask our police to investigate till the kingdom chenes arrives. Put to jail those who are responsible for this explosion.

O ayan ha. My accusers should be satisfied na. If not, well, chorva na sila.

Human dignity is no more

Hello, dear readers! Allow me to rant muna ha, medyo irritated ako sa office eh, so with your permission....

Sa totoo lang, I make it a point to understand everyone. As in everyone. Kasi turo ng psychology professor ko, we are all different, and we have individual differences, etc eklavu. Kaya ako naman, may-I-understand ang lola mo, kahit sobrang nakakainis na yung iba. Di ba naman, nakakainis kapag nakakairita, ah basta ganun, alam mo na yun. Basta yung feeling pag nakita mo yung asungot na si Jan, ganun.

Anyway, so ayun, I play my understand-you card ko, pero for the life of me I cannot really understand why some people get fun and satisfaction at the expense of others. Just look at Wowowee. Grabeh one Saturday I endured that afternoon making panood that ghastly TV show. My gosh, ngayon parang sarap batukan ng yaya ko ha, she really enjoys watching that junk. Where's human dignity in this world? Aba, para lang magkapera kailangang may-I-cry ang mga poor, they have to wash their dirty linen on global TV, then tatawanan lang ng manyak na host! Where's human dignity!

Ang hindi ko maaccept, why do madlang people have to endure that sh*t? What do they get from hearing other's sad plight, from seeing may-I-cry moms and daughters? Eh kung yung mga nanonood kaya paiyakin ko? Kakairita, ha.

So, ayun. Eh dito sa office, unfortunately ganyan din.

I can withstand kakornihan, it's part of individual differences ek ek, kahit sa office environment. Siguro dahil sa stess, some people need to goof up para mawala ang tension. Pero why, oh why? Why do I have to endure the loss of my dignity? Ganito kasi yun, mga sisters. So para raw sa camaraderie and teamwork, aba may Halloween party raw. At di lang yan, blast-from-the-past pa ang epek. Parang high school ha, may dance presentation! Oh, san ka pa?

I so pity mga newbies. Meron kasi ritong tradition na dapat magsayaw mga newbies pag Halloween. Grabe ha, I endured that kahit na my body and soul was against it. So, relieved naman ang lola mo dahil di na ko newbie, so lusot na ko sa tradition chenes eklavu na yan, right? Wrong ka, sister!

It's all my former boss' fault, iniwan ba naman ako just like that. Two-person department na nga lang kami, nag LBM pa sya (that's looking for better management). So ayun, left alone ang lola nyo, pero nilipat ako ng department. So ok lang, new boss, new team mates, new irritations syempre. So I got the shock of my life na considered na naman daw ako as newbie, kasi new department daw. Oh di ba ang galing ng logic! Sino kaya teacher nila sa logic nung college? Wish ko lang hindi sila Atenista otherwise talagang markadong hudas na ang saucy school na yan ha. Can't they stop producing Mike Arroyos?



Well, I'm ok naman with dancing, kahit na against my body and soul ang dancing, all in the name of camaraderie and teamwork, right? Wrong ka ulit, sister! Fine, camaraderie and teamwork, but not at the expense of mah dignity, ok? Aba, ang gusto ba naman nila eh may-I-dress like hiphop morons! Hello! Ang head ng Local Beach Blondes, magdadamit cheap? Excuse me. I'd rather eat tuyo than lose my dignity no?

What teamwork? Where's teamwork when they just assign what the team will do? Simple lang naman ang magtanong di ba? Pero nooooooooo, they ask after the fact. Sino ba teacher nila sa English? Gahd, pati ba naman vocabulary, perfect? Hay, eto definition ng teamwork for their reference. Wish ko lang talaga di sila galing Ateneo.

Chorva. LBM na rin ang lola nyo. Babush!

lech

bat naman kasi pinapasabog ang mall? malay ng mga tao sa mga kalokohan nyo, ur soooo bad. we spank you! bat di nlng sa mga bahay aliwan? maraming nagpapasabog dun!

I heart Victor Basa no more

Teka ha. I'm so out of the loop, mga sisters, and late ko na nalaman, kung di ko pa aksidenteng nabrowse sa Internet ang balita. I am so shock, ha, as in. I still can't believe it nga eh, pero I read the news several times. Tapos may-I-ask pa ko ng katulong namin ha, kasi you know, mahilig manood yon ng jologs TV, so ayun mega-confirm nya. My gosh, it must be the end of the world.





Victor Basa entered Big Brother's house! Why, oh why! Idol pa naman kita, you are always in my dreams but look what you have done? May I post pa naman your picture sa bathroom, tapos ganyan lang gagawin mo?

I thought you were coño, pero not pala. Idol ka na ng mga jologs ah. Grabeh, my yaya is so kilig when she saw you on that pool, I want to make batok her talaga. Hay I am so ashamed of myself, crush pa naman kita! Pero di na ngayon, stick na lang ako kay Munchkin Muy Muy.

In fairness ha, kahit lumabas ka sa corny TV show na yun (boo), I was patient. But not this time, no sireee. Nachismis pa nga na sister kita, but you're so hardheaded. May-I-buking ba ang story mo ngayon? You know, some bloggers make hula na nga eh, you raw ang Rustom Padilla of your batch! Is this true? Chorva ka if ever ha.

gore almighty

Blonde watchers!

kalowcah ha. nabalitaan nyo ba ang recent pangyayari sa nobel peace prize? si papa al, wagi! pero taliwas sa aking vibes anoch, parang di sha preserving. marami pa jan noh. although may jefex nmn chigoors ang pinaggagawa nyang pagpo-poster boylet sa environmental awareness, o e ano pa rin ngayon davah?

eh kung ganech lng din nmn, i nominate manny pacquiao for reuniting the pinoys everytime may umbagan match siyetch. like hello, as in, zero crime rate ha. san pa you?

chigoors tanggapin nlng natech na ang pagkawagi ni papa al ay isa sa mga inconvenient truths this year. next year cguro nominated ang tatlong zaido!

chorva.

buhayin ang beach blonde!

...ngayon din!